March 24, 2007

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My name is Andie Cunningham.  My Mother was the original owner of Body, Mind and Spirit, Inc. - Annette Cunningham.  For as long as I can remember, she talked about opening her store. 

I was raised, traveling the world, with my Father the Army General and my Mother the devoted one by my side.  I was also raised catholic, as were my sisters and brothers.  My Dad believed in giving us Christian values.  My Mother did as well.  There were angels all over our house - they were her favorite image.    But my Mother also talked about who and what I might have been in a past life, which may have influenced the experiences I've lived through in this one.  I recall, around 13 years old, her taking me to see a guy who channeled someone who explained one of them to me.  AT the same time, she could quote you the Christian Bible.  When I became interested in Wicca around 14 years old, she took me to the library to check out my first book of spells. She also taught me about what Jesus meant when he said certain things - what it was to try to love all people on a higher level, and unselfishly.  There were statues of Buddha all throughout our house.  After all, there are many prophets, I've learned. I've also learned to respect the Earth and its own importance in the scheme of things.  I know what it's like to come home one day and watch my Mother cry, as a wooded area across the street from our house in Germany was clear-cut. 

After I grew up and move on and out and my Dad was retired, she put every dime she had into opening her store.  She chose to open it in Clarksville, Tennessee.  I thought "Of all the strange places..."  I thought how much cooler it would be and how much more successful it would be in a more urban, progressive area.  She was warned, too, by people in the region.  She was told of a store near Adams, where a local church ran a similar store's owner out of town with repeated and celebrated violence.  My Father was extremely worried for her.  We should have known that if anyone had the white light of protection on this mission, it was her. 

Sure, there were naysayers; those people who say they'll "pray for you", in that tone they use.  She would have some passers-by lecture her about God's love from time-to-time.  Even members of our own family didn't understand her intentions or really, her beliefs.  But she also saw people coming from miles - lots of miles - around to use her as a resource and a place to find sense of community.  And these people were from all walks of life - all religions, all ages, all colors, sexual orientations, and genders.  She had done exactly what she had come here to do. 

She started to get really sick.  She was in pain all the time.  She saw so many doctors.  She tried so many remedies.  She was feeling old and tired and decided that she was ready to hand over the store.  More than anything, she wanted to take off traveling.  She missed her kids and grandkids all over the country, and there were just too many things to see and do.  She had some inquiries, but it wasn't time yet.  Then she met Susie. 

All I remember of the transaction is that it took a long time.  There were constant delays with lawyers, and money, etc.  I recall that my Mother wasn't sure even then, what would become of the store.  As the time got closer for the "hand-off", my Mother got sicker and sicker.  She went to the Mayo clinic for a while.  She was laid-up in bed for a longer while.  I remember her telling me that she felt bad that she had promised to help Susie with all the inventory and packing, and getting to know everything.  But she couldn't - she couldn't even get out of bed.  I also recall her telling me that she had heard through the grapevine that this had made certain people unhappy.  That certain people had felt "blown-off".  I won't say who.  But I was furious. 

No one in my family has ever set foot in that store since my Mother sold it, and it became a coffee shop in a new location.  None, except me.  The day of my Mother's funeral, I went to the funeral home in the morning, to be alone with her and set up a little "alter" for her.  I live in California, and didn't make it to Tennessee in time to see her go.  I set up different colored candles, for different healing properties.  I put various crystals of hers, and her beloved angel statues and some sage on a table next to her casket.  I cried a lot and tried to hold her one more time.  One the way back home, I knew I needed kyanite, but had left all of my crystals and such in California.  I also knew that the only place to get kyanite in Clarksville, Tennessee, was probably at my Mother's store.  So nervously, I went there.

I was greeted lovingly, and apologetically, and with shared tears and sorrow, by the ladies I recognized from my visits to the old store with my Mom.  And I met the new owner.  She talked and I talked and I told her I was there for some kyanite.  Everything was still in boxes, waiting to be inventoried and sorted.  Who knew where the kyanite would be?  In place of searching, Susie offered me the kyanite she carries with her.  I took it, and held it while we talked some more.  I got sick.  I felt awful.  I was not supposed to take that kyanite.  I can't even describe the feeling.  But I stopped her, and told her through tears, "I'm sorry, but I feel like I'm not supposed to take this from you."  She understood, as did everyone else, and she went to a pile of boxes to start searching.  One of the first boxes, if not the very first, she opened had two little ziploc bags with my Mother's handwriting on it.  One had two small pieces of kyanite in it, and the other a piece of rose quartz.  Everyone agreed that they were mine.  And I held one of those pieces of kyanite in my hand for the rest of the day. 

I keep my eye on the new store from way out here in California.  I check the website every few months, when I think about it.  From time to time, I Google it, to see if it pops up in any "news".  So imagine my surprise when the website changed.  And in the new guestbook section, I see a note from Susie about how appalled she is at the judgment she's receiving for changing the store.  Changing?  I called my sister.  We speculated and guesstimated, and she decided to post a comment, simply asking, "What kind of changes?"  So I checked back on the website every couple days, until poof!  It was gone!   So of course, I'm seriously Googling now!  And then I come across the two articles in the Clarksville paper. 

I was furious.  I was shaking, and felt like I was having an anxiety attack.  I wanted to cry.  I emailed my entire family, and all of my friends, the links to the articles.  This was just crazy!  There's no way!  I mean, of course there is, given its geographical location.  But come on!  This was once sacred ground!  It's been very interesting, though, to read the responses that I've Googled like mad in the past two weeks.  This is how I came across this site.  So many people have said "Write a letter to her, or the editor of that paper."  But what good would it do?  We all read the pro-Christian tone of that article.  And she obviously doesn't care.  I just really wanted to find a way to get my voice heard, publicly, and from across the country.  So I'm posting it here.

I want to thank everyone who supported that store and the community that lived through it for the past 7-8 years, and anyone who truly knew and loved my Mother.  Thank you for your courage, your love, and your lifestyles.  Thank you for helping to build my Mother's dream and give her an outlet for her loving energy.  Thank you for all the messages that were delivered to her from some of you, especially the ones that helped me at times when I was lost. 

I also want to apologize to you.  I am deeply sorry that you have lost this resource, and some of the community that you thrived within.  I am also truly sorry that you feel betrayed and hurt by any words or energies you have felt because of these recent changes.  It is a testament to the sad state of our society these days, and I thought we were gaining some progress in that area!  I have been so angry - you may see other, angrier posts elsewhere (none as lengthy as this) - but I'm trying really hard, to approach this as I was taught to.

My Mother would tell me to send love and light in Susie's direction, and to be happy for her that she's happy.  Think:  forgiveness, to each his own, "everything happens for a reason", etc.  But I can't help feeling kind of upset that something that my Mother put her heart, soul, and ultimately - her life, into....has now been erased.  The truth and trust of that community has been disgraced and broken.  And I feel a little sorry for Susie, because she experienced such a profound loss and feels lost (because I understand that part).  But she completely missed the whole point of what that store was - a place for everyone to be welcome; where you could find a painting of Jesus on the wall across from a giant angel statue, next to a pile of political bumper stickers, down the aisle from the jewelry boxes and incense, and around the corner from a Native American book on animal totems.....all leading back to the room where anyone could hold a meeting if they wanted to, and stay later for belly dancing and reiki...all being watched over by a much, much higher power that took one of its angels home before anyone was ready. 

It takes every bit of strength I have in myself to pray for Susie that she finds her own way some day, and does what she wants to do and knows is right.  That she can stop grasping at ropes that anyone throws into the quicksand she feels like she's been sinking into, and make her own rope.  That she sees how she has hurt people, and betrayed trust she was given to carry a "torch", of sorts, and makes it up to someone else someday to close that karmic loop.  I just hope she finds her way.  She had the perfect avenue for it.